I find myself starting over from hitting rock bottom again. This time I'm challenged not only mentally, but physically as even writing a blog post is a struggle. Keeping a positive outlook is extremely difficult with so many unknowns for my future.
About two months ago my shoulder received four screws and repairs for tears to cartilage. The pain consumed me for the prior four months. I fell down stairs the day before I went in for an MRI. I lost 90% of the pain from the fall, but still had significant damage to be repaired in the shoulder.
The healing process seemed to be progressing fine but recently slowed as I am unable to get full movement, and have my arm in the right position. The nerves are causing pain and keeping my posture awkward.
I have a knot just off the side of my neck just about where the shoulder blade lands that seems to be the source of most of the pain. It keeps me from laying down normally.
The orthopedic surgeon scheduled me for an MRI last week. Unfortunately, I could not handle the pain while in the MRI and had to come out after five minutes even though I had taken Valium before the procedure.
All this keeps me from being able to write a blog post without experiencing pain in my hands. Four fingers in my right hand have been numb for weeks, and I have stingers going down the fingers on my left side periodically.
Sleep is hit and miss, and stress levels are high, not only because of the physical issues but struggles with my children over the last six months. I have been battling with my ex-wife over what is right and healthy for our kids.
Thankfully, my Church family is such a blessing as I have been able to get the kids more involved with youth groups, showing positive outcomes. My relationship with my children continues to grow stronger than ever despite the adversity.
Hitting Rock Bottom as a single parent
The downside of hitting rock bottom is doing it as a single parent. I haven't dated since my divorce almost four years ago, and am going it alone. There are times when I think it would be wonderful to have a partner to share my struggles with, but relationships bring on issues as well.
All of this leaves me in probably the worst financial shape I have been in for a long time. I have been without work for several months and am likely facing another surgery on my neck. Hopefully, I will get a resolution soon, as I honestly don't know how I am going to overcome being at rock bottom again.
If there is one thing that I have to be thankful for, that is finding my way back to Church, reading the Bible cover-to-cover, and developing my relationship with Christ. I am praying continuously for recovery so that I will be back stronger than ever. Even though it seems that I am at the point that I have nothing, I have my children and my faith which is everything.
So, if you would, keep me in your prayers as I need them right now.