Learning to Love Through The Four Loves
I recently finished reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. The book was first published in the 1960s, and some of the language feels old-fashioned, even hard to track at times. Yet behind the dated words is timeless wisdom about faith, relationships, and what it truly means to love.
Affection and Need
Lewis draws a powerful comparison between water and wine that stuck with me.
When you’re parched, water feels priceless. But when you take it for granted, you lose appreciation for it. The same is true of wine: for someone drinking in excess, any bottle will do. But the person who sips occasionally can savor the richness of a rare, expensive vintage.
The point is simple: when we treat what we have as ordinary or indulge in excess, we lose sight of its true value. This applies to possessions, experiences, and especially relationships. In recovery, this hits hard — how often do we numb ourselves with “too much,” only to forget how to cherish the simple gifts God has already given?
The Risk of Love
Lewis also makes a haunting observation: the only place where we are completely safe from losing love is in Hell. Why? Because to love is to risk loss. To love is to risk heartbreak. To love is to be vulnerable.
And yet, many of us try to protect ourselves from that risk. I know I’ve been guilty of pulling back from love, isolating myself when things felt too painful. But isolation never leads to life — it only deepens misery.
Scripture reminds us:
“It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
We are created for connection. To shut down love is to shut ourselves off from the very life God designed for us.
Gift-Love
The hope in Lewis’s writing comes through Gift-Love — the love that gives freely, without demand or expectation. This is the kind of love Jesus shows us, and the kind of love we are called to extend, even when it feels impossible.
- Gift-Love is showing compassion to someone who has nothing to give back.
- Gift-Love is forgiving when the other person doesn’t deserve it.
- Gift-Love is choosing to keep the heart open rather than barricaded by fear.
This is the love that transforms both us and those around us. It’s the love that reflects Christ.
A Challenge for Us Today
Reading The Four Loves reminded me of two truths:
- Love will always involve risk. If I avoid love to avoid pain, I also avoid joy, connection, and growth.
- God equips me to love beyond myself. My natural love runs dry. But through Christ, I can pour out Gift-Love, even toward the unlovable, because He first loved me.
Recovery has taught me that isolation is a dead end. Faith has taught me that surrender opens the door to life. Together, they remind me that to live fully is to love deeply, even when it hurts.
Prayer
Lord, thank You for showing me what real love looks like through Jesus. Help me not to shrink back in fear or self-protection, but to step forward with courage, even when it risks pain. Teach me to give love freely — not for recognition or return — but because You first loved me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.